She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's blow job season.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
