I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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