It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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