My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
