I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
