i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
