If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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