Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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