I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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