my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
