im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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