You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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