She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
how does that bad decision feel?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
