I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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