how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
