Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
