Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize