You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
