He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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