My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
