Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
