he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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