You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
