if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
one might say we're banned from that church
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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