you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
