there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
