She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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