ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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