____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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