Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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