I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
