Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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