Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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