Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
