watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
