Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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