mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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