This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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