if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
