"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
