Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
