my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
