Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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