People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
