You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
