Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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