he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
