I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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