Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
