The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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