I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
