Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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