Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
