i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
