i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
