Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
