He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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