i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize