You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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