Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
