Small penises have feelings too.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
