I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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