Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
