Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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