I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
