so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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