Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
