I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
