I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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