"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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