i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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