4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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