Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
